I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
