so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
