What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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