He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
