i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
