did you get engaged???
I cockslap morals
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
