I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
