The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize