I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
