This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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