you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
