I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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