No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
