Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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