if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize