Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
