I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
