if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This baby is an asshole
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
