p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
