my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That accounts for only three of the penises
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize