there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think my moral compass just broke
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