fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
