We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
