i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
