ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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