textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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