If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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