Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
