Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
