What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
