peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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