Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
