something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
