You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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