you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
