Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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