I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
