Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
