So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize