I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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