dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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