Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
