my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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