This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
