the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
