trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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