I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
