he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
