dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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