Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
