I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
