Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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