some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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