i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
