Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They are going to name an STD after you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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