We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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