Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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