did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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