my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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