living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
