Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize