How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
