Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
They took my balls.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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